


Bury Your Secrets (Under My Skin)

by kylos_manbun



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alderaan, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It's like a kingdom au, Knights of Ren - Freeform, M/M, i'll add more tags during the next part, kylo is a prince but doesnt like it, not quite medieval but, they all live there but theres no space travel and its a kingdom ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 15:00:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6810163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylos_manbun/pseuds/kylos_manbun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I never did what you told me to, Hux.”</p><p>Hux found himself wishing Kylo would stop saying his name. He opened his mouth to ask what he meant, but closed it quickly. Referring to their childhood antics at a time when they were certainly worlds away from what they had been was nothing short of inappropriate.</p><p>“That was over ten years ago. It is unimportant to the current situation.” Hux turned on his heel, walking into his small kitchen to pour himself another glass of brandy. His steps faltered slightly, cheeks feeling hot from his previous drinks.</p><p>“The 'current situation' is us having a conversation. This is not a business deal, you know,” Kylo followed Hux, intent on not letting the other man shove him away. “And I am hurt you would throw away the deep connection of our friendship.” Kylo’s voice was mocking, dripping with sarcasm.</p><p>(Sort of medieval/kingdom AU with a lot of young Kylo and Hux at the beginning and some more violence/feelings in chapters 2 & 3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bury Your Secrets (Under My Skin)

**Author's Note:**

> Special thank you to @spacewitchqueen on tumblr for being my beta and for helping me with some p important plot things!

“K-Kylo why?!” Han Solo felt himself choke on his words, voice strangled and hoarse. His hand reached up to grasp the hilt of the weapon where it connected with his son’s hand. “How _could_ you?” He breathed the words out , falling backwards onto his back, exhaling heavily. He closed his eyes, only to open them a few seconds later when a solid weight came crashing onto his chest.

“Dad, you always let me win!” Kylo protested, crawling on top of his dad, the toy lightsaber he had been holding seconds before falling forgotten behind them. “It gets old.”

“I’m the one getting old here, boy.”  Han Solo sat up, situating Kylo in his lap. “So are you,” He added as an afterthought as he looked over his son.

At eight years old, Kylo Solo was very tall for his age. The other boys in the kingdom often commented on his gangly frame, and it took a while for Han and Leia to convince Kylo it didn’t matter. “ _All of the best knights are plenty tall, dear.”_ Leia had told Kylo one night when the teasing had gotten particularly bad and he had closed himself off in his room. “ _You’ll be able to tower over them all when it really matters.”_

Most boys (and men) in the kingdom of Alderaan took their time to decide what they wanted to do with their lives as they grew older; but even before the age of six, Kylo had his heart set on being a knight. Other boys ended up in the stormtrooper program, falling into the line by default. But Kylo knew from a young age it wasn't something that called to him.

“The Knights of Ren are the _best,_ they’re so brave and strong, _”_ He had exclaimed in awe after seeing the black-clad warriors riding through the palace. “I want to be like that.”

At first, Han and Leia tried to discourage the idea, to squash it in its tracks before that dream had time to really root itself in Kylo’s mind. But after some consideration, they decided that there were definitely worse things that Kylo could have wanted to be. Even if he was a prince, Kylo hardly had to worry about suddenly taking the throne at any given moment.

His grandparents weren’t young by any means, but they weren’t unhealthy. And even if they were, Kylo was going to be ‘ _a knight, not a stupid prince,’_ as he had so graciously exclaimed in front of the Royal Court in a particular little tantrum.

And so that was that. Kylo left the palace every day to go to school and interact with the people of Alderaan, and every time anybody referred to him as “Prince Kylo” or “Kylo _Amidala_ ”, he had to try his best not to scream his head off.

____

When he was eleven, Kylo met the person who would become the closest thing he had to a friend. Brendol Hux seemed to be the only other child in all of Alderaan who actually had some idea of what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and serve the Royal Court as a high-ranking General, and he never let anybody forget that.

Since their families worked in close relation, Kylo and Brendol (“Just call me Hux, okay?”) had seen each other countless times before they actually spoke. They became inseparable, mainly due to the fact that neither of them was afraid or wary of the other. They were a little out of place, but not with each other. Hux was similar to Kylo in the respect that his bodily proportions seemed a little _off._ He was thin and pale, with ginger hair that would stick out in any crowd, and freckles that dusted his skin like stars in the sky.

Even at eleven, he had walls up that were carefully built by years of spending time in the Royal Courts. But Hux startled easily and flinched visibly any time somebody spoke too loud or raised an arm around him.  Kylo didn’t know why, but he didn’t care to be honest. Hux knew what he wanted to do, what he wanted to be. To have such an ambition at such a young age was uncommon, and they counted themselves lucky to have found each other, even if they would both rather die than admit it.

____

Age thirteen found Kylo and Hux spending almost every second of every day together. When Kylo wasn’t required to be at the palace, he was constantly clinging to the red-head. More in a metaphorical and emotional way, but sometimes the physical contact they shared was welcome.

Kylo knew that Hux’s father was not a nice man. He was cold and fierce, his outward atmosphere bordering on something that yelled ‘ _I am evil.’_ The first time Kylo had witnessed his fury was on Hux, in the form of bruised, mottled skin. And as much as Hux liked to believe he could retain his hard and practiced exterior, sometimes it was just _too much._ Once Kylo had learned the gruesome details of Hux’s relationship with his father, he had questioned the boy’s ambition to follow in his father’s footsteps. But it became clear that Hux wasn’t doing anything to please his father, he wanted to prove himself to everybody around him. Hux wanted to be a great leader like his father; but very unlike his father he knew he would strive to be a respectable man.

Kylo had wanted to kill the “Honorable General Hux the First” when he saw the deep purple and yellow tones dashed across his friend’s pale skin. At first Kylo thought it had been an accident, and then once he confronted Hux about it, the smaller boy had tried to shove him off and say it was a one-time thing.

It wasn’t. And Kylo would notice almost every single time that Hux had a new bruise. Whether it was his sleeves riding up a little to reveal the fading yellows on his wrists and forearms, the dip of his collar failing to hide angry red marks on his freckle-splattered chest, or the few times it was obvious the General had really lost his temper, and Hux was absent for a few days. The next time he would come in, the remnants of dark bruises littered his face and Kylo wanted to give Hux’s father a nice set of black eyes to match.

“You can’t possibly stand for this.” Kylo found himself wanting to growl and snarl, anger filling his entire being. “You’re his _son._ Not a fucking punching bag.”

“Not everybody can be like you and your family, alright? Let it go, Kylo.” Hux spat out Kylo’s name like it was venom in his mouth. “The perfect prince and his perfect family could _never_ understand the difficulties of normal life,” With that, Kylo backed off.

“You know you’re not making any sense, just stop,” Kylo muttered. He never really counted himself as a prince, not when he was causing trouble around the Kingdom, and _especially_ not when he was with Hux.

The other boy sighed, turning away from Kylo. He nodded, feeling a pang of guilt at his words. Of course they didn’t actually bother Kylo. Their conversations were usually the very same back and forth, witty comments and biting words that held virtually no meaning. It was their dynamic, and it was familiar to both of them.

It took a few years, but Hux let his guard down around Kylo, often letting the other boy press his fingers lightly against his own injured skin, a frown set deep on Kylo’s long, thin face.  It was intimate and sometimes awkward, but they were young and didn’t really seem to notice or care.

As time wore on between the two of them, Hux found himself no longer flinching when somebody would raise their arm around him. In the far corners of his guarded mind, Hux supposed he could attribute that fact to Kylo Solo.

____

“I just don’t see the appeal behind being a mindless soldier,” Hux mumbled, arms crossed, as he watched Kylo swinging around his fake lightsaber, spinning it with practiced control. “Why would anybody want to do that?” He was referring to Finn; he didn’t have to say the name for Kylo to know whom the ginger was talking about.

Finn was Rey’s (Kylo’s cousin) friend who had begun training for the Stormtrooper program. They started young, and it was something some of the poorer boys in the village ended up doing. The Stormtroopers weren’t like the Knights of Ren; they weren’t as harsh in training. Stormtroopers were almost like a “we’ll call on you when we need you” deal after the training was done. Finn was younger than the two boys by a few years; he was entering the program at thirteen, while the two of them were to continue their schooling until they were at least seventeen. They still had two years.

Kylo tested the weight of the faux-lightsaber in his hand, spinning it over his head a little as he glanced at Hux. It wasn’t a toy, no matter how much Hux teased him that it was. Lightsabers were hard to get ahold of, the training required to get your own was extensive, but as any kind of fighter or warrior in the Kingdom it was one of the greatest honors. They were different from blasters and regular swords, both of which were the usual weapons for Stormtroopers and other military factions.

“I don’t get it, either.” Kylo stopped what he was doing, and walked over to Hux, jabbing him in the chest with the fake weapon. “And don’t you dare make a comment about the Knights, okay? They’re-“

“Different, I know,” Hux darted his hands out to push Kylo out of his space, nose scrunched up. “You hardly talk about anything else.”

“You do the same, Hux. Or should I just start calling you _General?_ ” Kylo grinned smugly, glancing up at the clock tower on the other side of the courtyard from where the two of them were. “Shit, I gotta go. Dad’s gonna kill me if I’m late for dinner with the grandparents again.” Kylo gathered his things and clapped his hand on Hux’s back. The touch lingered for a moment before the other boy shrugged his hand away.

“I’ll just stay here for a while. My father came home already, don’t want to deal with him more than I have to.” Hux tried to laugh, but Kylo could tell there was no actual joke behind his words.

Kylo found himself practically sprinting back to the royal palace, knowing he was probably better off not showing up in the first place. He was already a half hour late, and even if he had said Han would be the angry one, he did _not_ want to face the wrath of his mother.

 

A week passed, and Kylo found himself dressed in his _ridiculous_ robes for the meeting of the Royal Court. He had tried to wriggle his way out of going to the dreaded meeting, but a fixed glare from both of his parents convinced him to stomp off to his room and dress himself appropriately for the evening.

The same thing happened every few months, members of the Royal Council would ask about general happenings and morale around Alderaan, and Kylo would try his best to zone out and avoid all of the political talk. Occasionally, Hux would be there. And Kylo would try his best to catch the ginger’s eye and divert his focus from the meeting at hand. ‘ _Leave it to Hux to actually be interested in this stuff.’_

When Kylo entered the room with his parents, his long, fancy, _pointless_ robes fluttering ridiculously behind him, his eyes lit up at the sight of the people in the center of the Meeting Hall.

“Han Solo, Leia, Kylo, I would like you to meet the Knights of Ren. After being away for their training and missions, they will be in the Kingdom again for a few months. They are at your disposal as well as ours and the surrounding land. From now on, certain rotations of the Knights will be a permanent asset to our Kingdom.” Kylo ignored his grandfather’s speech; instead, he was scanning the Knights as they stood before the Court. There had to be about twelve of them, all clad in black and silver, different helmets adorning their heads that was the only thing interrupting the uniformity of their presence.

Hux was seated next to his father, and he had to hide his laughter as he saw Kylo practically _ogling_ at the Knights of Ren. He expected Kylo to look up and make some face at him, but the prince kept his eyes glued to the men in the center of the room.

“As you know, our members are an elite group trained for the protection of the Kingdom and its members.” One of the Knights rose, speaking from behind his helmet. “Training for the Knights of Ren is intense and calculated. The new members that have been selected will join us shortly and see how they fit into our rotations and duties.”

The Knights of Ren actually consisted of about 50-100 members, but they weren’t all constantly in service. New members would cycle in after (and if) they completed the rigorous training. The training itself took place away from Alderaan, and took about a year and a half. It was hard, stressful, and sometimes even masochistic. And Kylo couldn’t have wanted anything more than to be one of the Knights in front of him.

___

“Do you even like these things?”

Hux looked up from the food in his hand, an eyebrow raised to accompany his glare aimed at Kylo.

“Yes, I do. Why is that your concern?”  His words came out a little muffled seeing as his mouth was full, and Kylo just shook his head. He held out his palm, the sticky pastry emitting a sweet aroma as he offered it to Hux.

“Take mine, I hate them.” After a moment of consideration, Hux plucked the pastry out of Kylo’s hand.

“Thank you.”

It was the middle of the night and the two of them sat in one of the courtyards surrounding the palace. Hux had shown up rather unceremoniously in Kylo’s room after scaling the wall and entering through the window, and he considered himself quite lucky to be alive after Kylo had almost sliced his damn head off with a sword he kept (for some _Godforsaken reason)_ at his bedside. After Hux had whisper-screamed at Kylo to put the thing away and calm down, Kylo caught a glimpse of fresh blood glistening on the other boy’s lip.

On their way outside they walked in silence, shoulders touching as they made their way through the barely-lit halls. It was cool, but not cold. Hux thought the slight breeze was welcoming on his face, which now showed a bruised and busted lip. (His father just _loved_ his rings, after all. Hux on the other hand, did not.) However, for the first time, Hux was not the only one who walked away with colors blooming under his skin. He had managed to land one of his own fists on his father’s cheekbone, and that was the end of it.

They had run into one of the chefs that lived in the palace, and she had all but forced the pastries upon them, insisting the two boys take the sweet morsels and eat them on the way to wherever it was they were going. Kylo recognized her; she had only recently started working there. But her food was good and she stayed sort of under the radar, so Kylo and Hux took her pastries without a complaint.

“I never knew you liked sweet things,” Kylo rubbed his palms together, the stickiness dissipating with the friction. “You look like you don’t eat anything, anyway.” Hux narrowed his eyes, ignoring Kylo’s jab at his weight.

“Yeah, I do. Not sure why I’m friends with you, then. You’re a right prick, _Prince Kylo._ ”

If it were anybody else, the name probably would have sent Kylo into a fit of rage. But it was just Hux. Kylo sighed, closing his eyes. _Just Hux._

“I’m just going to ignore that,” He reached a hand up to run it through his hair, fingers catching on the loose strands. “I’m plenty sweet. Sweet enough that I haven’t killed you yet, Bren.” Kylo tacked on his own nickname that he knew would send Hux reeling with annoyance.

“Shut up, you insufferable, absolutely disgusting-“ Kylo cut Hux off with a loud, barking laugh.

“Sorry, _General,"_  Kylo tried to contain his laughter, but it resulted in a sort of choked, desperate sound akin to a giggle.

“You are so, _so_ fucking annoying,” Hux stood up, shoving Kylo over with the toe of his boot. “Fuck off,” As usual, there was no malice behind his obscenities.

Something about seeing Kylo keeled over in the moonlight, a stupid grin spread across his _stupid_ face, made something else stir inside of Hux. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and could only screw up his nose in response. Kylo stopped laughing long enough for him to look up at Hux, and when their eyes locked Hux wanted to scream because his heart fluttered again, and he could do absolutely nothing about it.

___

The next few months were confusing as hell for Hux. Sure, he was used to Kylo smiling. Few and far between, Kylo smiled when he really meant it. But that night just seemed a little bit different.

Maybe because Hux had come to him in the first place, and expected Kylo to yell at him and stand up to his father. But he hadn’t. In fact, they hadn’t really talked about his father since that night at all. Something about the vulnerability of them both in that moment had opened some new sort of Pandora’s Box that was situated inside of Hux, right under his ribcage.

They still spent every day together. Kylo still babbled on about the Knights of Ren. Hux still actually paid attention in their schooling. Days still passed. Everything seemed to stay the same, except Hux knew that in reality, nothing was going to be the same. (They would if he could help it, but neither of them was ever good at containing their emotions when it came down to it.)

Hux found Kylo’s way of thinking out loud almost endearing. His inability to sit still during the meetings of the Royal Court, his insatiable ambition, and his weird sort of defensiveness over Hux when it came to his father were now all something that made Hux feel a strange warmth deep inside of him.

And it was horrible. Horrible, and disgusting, and terrifying.

___

Kylo knew what love was. He was positive.

His parents were in love, and his grandparents were in love. He was almost seventeen before he saw the emotion present itself in his friends, however. Maybe not _friends,_ but other than Hux, Kylo’s definition of a friend was a loose one at best.

Finn and Poe were a thing. Kylo's younger cousin, Rey, had talked about it whenever she got the chance, and subsequently that was the very thing that led Kylo to try and avoid her. The three of them were younger than Kylo, so they often spent time by themselves, leaving Kylo with the “adults.” But Rey had told him they were in love so many times that Kylo grew not to question it.

Kylo never saw one without the other, and he supposed that’s what love was. Doing everything together. When Finn had left for training, he had embraced Poe and pressed their lips together softly, and Kylo felt like he was intruding on something just by watching their exchange.

Poe and Finn bickered, but they also looked at each other like the two of them held the stars in their eyes. It was a different dynamic to witness than Kylo was used to, and it made him feel strange. But something in the way that Poe looked at Finn, and how Finn looked at Poe felt _oddly_ familiar.

___

“How could you be so stupid? I honestly don’t think I’ve ever met anybody as _incompetent_ as you,” Hux shook his head, arms crossed as he stared at Kylo.

“I didn’t mean to, okay? It was an accident.” Kylo spoke through gritted teeth, his jaw clenched tight as he bit out the words.

They were situated in Kylo’s room, which was in absolute disarray. Smoke rose from sizzling fabrics, stones from the walls fallen and crumbled on the outside of the space.

“You stole your Uncle’s lightsaber. That was not an accident.” Kylo opened his mouth to object, but Hux continued, green eyes narrowed in the light of Kylo’s bedroom. “You then brought it in here and tried to whip it around like you had mastered it already. Also not an accident. I don’t need to know the whole story to know you’re a fool, Kylo.”

And there it was. Recently, Hux had begun to use what Kylo referred to as his “Official Voice.” It was condescending and loud, his words enunciated and precise. And it pissed Kylo off so _fucking_ much.

“That’s not what happened at all. I found it in the hall and tried to use it, and I did and it was great. Until I tripped and it got a little out of hand, okay? That good enough? Am I good enough for you, _Brendol?”_ Kylo stood up, his own eyes narrowing at the boy in front of him as he felt rage slowly pooling in his belly. He could feel the tension between them weighing heavily on his shoulders as he stepped forward, shoving himself into Hux’s space. Their eye contact faltered as Hux’s eyes flicked away for a second.

Kylo studied Hux’s face; he was close enough to see the gears moving in the ginger haired boy’s mind, shifting through his thoughts.

“Yes.” Kylo raised his eyebrows. He was expecting something completely different, and wasn’t sure how to respond just yet. “You are irresponsible and reckless.”  

“And?”

“And it’s sickening.”

“And?”

“And _what,_ Kylo? What else do you want me to say?” Hux looked back up, all the spite and cruelty of his prior attitude replaced with confusion and impatience. Kylo shrugged his shoulders in some sort of half-hearted explanation. He retained his eye contact with Hux, blinking slowly.

“Nothing.” Hux resisted the strong urge to shove Kylo aside with a loud groan, and instead straightened himself up. Both of them remained silent, and it was welcomed. The very corner of Kylo’s mouth twitched, and Hux swore for a second he might have imagined it.

Kylo noticed that Hux’s pale eyes lingered on his mouth, and suddenly a dangerous idea floated through his mind. Maybe he could annoy Hux with something new, or maybe something much different would be the outcome. Either way, once Kylo imagined himself pressing his lips to Hux’s, he shocked himself in a fresh way. And being the irresponsible and reckless boy he was, Kylo reached forward and fisted his hands into Hux’s collar.

Hux let out a small sound akin to surprise before their lips met in a crushing, rushed kiss. Hux tried to pull away at first instinct, but Kylo kept him rooted in place with a firm grip on the shirt adorning his thin frame. It was hurried and sloppy, but Hux relaxed after a few moments. Kylo felt his heart hammering against his chest, not realizing what was happening until it was a little too late.

He had expected Hux to maybe pull away immediately, to yell at him and leave. He didn’t expect Hux to return the kiss, lips moving against his gently in a way that was still so familiarly _Hux._ But he did, and Kylo found that he liked that better than the outcome he imagined.

And Hux couldn’t let Kylo have the satisfaction of one-upping him, so the red-head pushed up on his toes, causing Kylo to stumble back a few steps, their lips still locked together.

___

Things began to change between them. It was subtle, but the changes were there nonetheless. They didn’t talk about the kiss. It wasn’t like they were ignoring it; it just seemed like something that didn’t need to be discussed between Hux and Kylo. There were more kisses shared between them in dark hours of the night, or sometimes in broad daylight hidden around one of the palace’s many corridors.

If Hux showed up at the palace with bruises, Kylo’s fingers lingered a little longer over the injuries. Occasionally he would ghost his lips over broken skin on Hux’s eyebrow or even the corner of his mouth if his father got especially furious. Every time it would leave Hux impossibly red in the face, eyebrows furrowed in a sort of weird feeling of fond-annoyance.

It took Kylo everything he had not to completely _deck_ Hux’s father during any of the meetings of the Royal Council. Even the sight of the man made Kylo’s blood boil, to the point where he had to excuse himself a few times to stomp down some of the palace halls, knocking over anything in his way as he “calmed down”. Other times, Hux would catch Kylo’s eye and shake his head lightly, just enough for the other boy to see it. ‘ _Not here, not now.’_ Even if the words weren’t spoken aloud, Hux knew Kylo’s response would have been a shouted, ‘ _Then when?!’_

The topic did come up one night between them, but it wasn’t shouted. Instead, Kylo had pressed his forehead hard against Hux’s, hands gripping desperately at Hux’s arms where they remained straight at his side.

“This can _not_ continue, Hux.” The red-head closed his eyes, breathing out a heavy sigh and ignoring the fact he pretty much blew air over Kylo’s face.

“It won’t.”

“You always say that. Every single time, you say it’s the last time.” Hux didn’t need to open his eyes to tell that Kylo was frowning.

“It, it won’t continue, Kylo.” Hux pulled his face away, preparing himself to break the news he had been holding onto for a little too long. “I start training in a few weeks. Father is sending me off for a year or so.” Kylo’s grip on Hux’s arms loosened, and he tried not to make it too obvious that he felt slightly crushed.

Training and education required to be any type of officer in the Kingdom was different than the type of training needed by a Stormtrooper or any other military subdivision. Hux’s father had already enrolled him in the most prestigious of the programs in the land, and that was that. He would be away from Alderaan for the better part of the next year. And in turn, Kylo would be alone.

“Say something, Kylo.” Hux almost flinched at how annoyed he sounded.

“We knew this was coming, right?” Kylo met Hux’s pale eyes, something unreadable in their green depths. “You will join the military. You will be a General. And to do that you have to leave.” He took a breath, struggling to put his feelings into words. “I’ll start my own training, to be in the Knights of Ren. And that’s how it has to be.” He sounded almost like he was trying to convince himself of the fact.

The two of them stayed silent for a moment, studying each other’s eyes for any hint of emotion the other was willing to give away.

It was Hux who made the first move, surging forward to kiss Kylo, hands somehow ending up tangled in the boy’s long hair. They kissed desperately; passionately and with need. Kylo’s hands pulled and tugged at Hux’s shirt as his mouth moved to nip lightly at the underside of his jaw. They both knew where their actions were leading, and neither one of them cared enough to stop.

Or maybe they cared just enough to keep going, to let their first night _together_ speak for all their unsaid emotions.

___

“It’s not going to be easy, son.” Han Solo crossed his arms, glancing next to him where his son stood, eyes wide as he took in the scene in front of them. “But I think you can manage.”

Kylo had begun the preliminaries for his actual training to become one of the Knights of Ren; an excursion that was only to last six days. Other recruits and hopeful young boys (not yet men) stood in line with Kylo and Han at the edge of the Kingdom. A number of the Knights had come to meet the trainees, and would lead them to one of the close-by training encampments used by the division of warriors. It was necessary to attend this sort of “trial training” if the person enrolled wished to begin their actual training for the Knights of Ren. Not everybody would qualify, and many would decide then and there that the trade was far too difficult.

Kylo had made sure to see Hux before he left, knowing their days together were numbered. Hux did not know the actual date of his departure, and seeing Kylo walk away from Alderaan, from _him_ , left him feeling the slightest bit empty.

While Hux was sitting in his own home tying up any loose ends of his studies at the Kingdom, Kylo was learning how to use a lightsaber. While Hux slept in his bed that felt far too big, Kylo had late nights with the other recruits that led them all to be a little too tired the following day. And while Kylo spent his time swinging weapons at wooden targets, Hux spent his last few days in Alderaan dodging his father’s swinging fists.

When Kylo and the other trainees returned to the kingdom from the preliminary training, he was exhausted. His body was sore and tired, and it was one of the best feelings Kylo had ever known. He had, of course, made it through the training and demonstrated exceptional skills in the art of combat. There was still a lot for him to learn, but those six days had been the glue to the pieces of his mind that held his dream; he was going to join the Knights of Ren within the following months. The actual training would be brutal and grueling, but Kylo wanted nothing more than to just _go._

He returned to the palace and greeted his parents, both eager to hear about how things went. Kylo gave them a quick rundown, knowing he would have to go into more detail at dinner that night, and bounded off to his room, knowing that Hux would probably be seated on his bed, waiting for Kylo to recount everything that happened. When he opened his door, however, the room was empty. Kylo raised an eyebrow, a little confused, and tried to staunch the slight feeling of disappointment that rose in his chest.

The thought of walking to Hux’s house floated through Kylo’s mind (it wasn’t even a five minute walk from the palace), but his aching muscles seemed to object. He vaguely thought of Hux being a sort of constant in his life, knowing that if he didn't walk to the other boy's house right then, Hux would be there in the morning and that put Kylo's mind to ease and stopped any amount of guilt from seeping though Kylo's veins as he drifted to sleep. Well, almost. 

The next morning, Kylo found himself being jostled awake. On first instinct he expected it to be Hux, but again he was mistaken. It was his mother, informing him that he was to sit in on the meeting of the Council that day. Kylo rolled back over with a groan, a frown on his face as he drifted back into his dreams of red hair and freckles that seemed impossibly endless.

Hux wasn’t at the meeting. And when Kylo walked to the house of Hux and his father, it was the General who answered the door. Kylo had to grit his teeth, fighting back the urge to lash out at the older man.

“What can I do for you, my Prince?” The General’s posh accent made Kylo want to scrunch his nose up. It was much like Hux’s, but the condescending, cold tone was nothing like Kylo was used to in his…Friend.

“Evening, General. I noticed Brendol’s absence at the Royal Council meeting. Is he here?” Kylo tried to keep a straight face as the older man raised his eyebrows, sincere surprise written on his aging face. (Kylo tried not to notice the fact that Hux and his father had the same eyes. The color was almost identical, but Hux’s eyes had never been as cold and emotionless as the man in front of Kylo.)

“Brendol left for his training two days ago, Prince Kylo, I assumed he would have let you know. I can certainly give you-”

Kylo didn’t stay and listen to what the General was saying; he had already turned on his heel and let his feet carry him back to the palace. Hux had _left?_ Kylo bit hard on his bottom lip, eyes narrowed as he stalked into his room.

Kylo could try his best to conceal the emotions that washed over him, but the feeling of guilt rose a little higher than the others. He had been away when Hux left. Sure he had said goodbye before his own training, but that had only been a goodbye to last six days, not a _year._

Had Hux left with new bruises? Did he take everything he needed? Was there anybody else he knew in the group that he was traveling with? Had he left thinking Kylo _knew_ he was leaving then? Above all the questions racing through his mind, Kylo had to pause and ask himself why he cared so _damn_ much.

But then again, when Kylo thought about Hux, he already knew the answer. He knew the way that Hux looked at him, and in turn, the way he had begun to look at Hux. He had seen it countless times in his parents and friends.

Before the time had come for Kylo to leave, he promised to write to Hux at the Academy once they were both gone for their training. Hux had nodded eagerly; the thought of maybe not being so alone was a nice one. And he had already packed away plenty of paper with his things, ready to keep in any sort of contact.

But when the day came for Kylo to leave for his own training a few weeks later, the feeling of not quite being _whole_ anymore hadn’t gone away. And Kylo began to wonder if he would ever see that look again in Hux’s eyes.

After arriving for his training, Kylo wrote an impressive number of letters to Hux, all addressed to the Arkanis Academy where he knew Hux would spend his time getting his education. The first of the letters had been a lot of “I’m sorry” and “I will make it up to you”, referring to the fact that they never got a true goodbye. He hadn’t really expected it to go unanswered, and was a little more surprised when the next two letters didn’t elicit a reply, either.

He tried to tell himself that maybe Hux was busy, enveloped in his studies. But after days turned into weeks, which turned into months, Kylo began to give up hope of ever receiving any letter addressed to him from the Academy. Roughly a year into his training, Kylo had written a sort of “goodbye” letter, thoroughly convinced he would honestly never see or talk to Hux ever again.

He threw himself whole-heartedly into his training after that, pushing away any thought of a boy with red-hair that had kissed him in a way that was so gentle and yet so passionate.

It took a long time.

 

___

**_10 Years Later_ **

“The trainees have reported for their orders, Sir.” The black-clad warrior bowed his head before the Master of the Knights of Ren. The other man nodded, face hidden behind his helmet.

“Alright, assign them to their room arrangements and begin their training.” The head of the Knights paused for a moment. “Remind my committee of our departure in two days, we will leave at dawn. It will take two days to get to Alderaan, and we will remain in the Kingdom for one week.”

The other Knight bowed his head again to his leader and turned on his heel to exit the room. When he was alone, the Master of the Knights slid off his helmet; the weather was getting far too hot to keep wearing the thing everywhere.  His pale skin glistened with the slightest bit of sweat, and Kylo Ren curled his lip in disgust as he wiped his forehead with the fraying end of the cowl around his neck.

His dark eyes flicked down to the papers sitting on the wooden table in front of him. The new batch of trainees had reported for their preliminary training, just as they had every year since Kylo had joined the Knights of Ren. The assembly of warriors had become Kylo’s home rather quickly, he had found himself fitting into the daily rotations and training sessions just fine. His dedication and ambition had led him to climb the ranks of the Knights faster than he thought he would.

After about nine years of being with the Knights of Ren, Kylo had been made the Master. He took the suffix of “Ren” onto his name, as all of the leaders before him had. It was everything Kylo had ever wanted and more, the amount of power and authority that he held was immensely pleasing to himself, and now that he had the chance to return to Alderaan, he would be able to share that power with his family.

Kylo Ren had not been to Alderaan for six years. His missions mainly led him to other neighboring Kingdoms, and for the most part he didn’t mind. Had he been home any sooner, Kylo knew he would have been distracted. His ambition might have been drawn off track, and he wouldn’t be in the position he had achieved. It took endless hours of training, endless missions completed with careful precision, and Kylo had to shut down the portion of his mind that longed to see his family again.

When he had been to Alderaan, it was for a brief meeting with the Royal Council. His family had been happy to see him; at that time he was in the high rankings of the Knights, and sat in on the meeting. His grandparents welcomed him publicly, and his parents met him afterwards to embrace him and bombard him with questions. The main thing he kept hearing was how much he had grown. As the Knights stayed in Alderaan for a few days, Kylo tried his best not to search the streets and buildings for a certain red-head. He tried harder to ignore the heavy pang of disappointment when Hux was nowhere to be found.

After leaving Alderaan to join the Knights, Kylo had thought about Hux almost daily until he decided not to. If he wanted to become the leader of the Knights, putting emotional ties to other people behind him was crucial. But that decision was ten years ago to Kylo, and he had been the Master of the Knights of Ren for over a year. Something inside him was pulling him back to Alderaan, and maybe that was part of the reason he had added a few more days than necessary to their stay.

Other members of the faction stayed in Alderaan permanently, serving the King and Queen. Kylo had thought about the fact he could do that for himself, to station the sort of “headquarters” of the Knights in Alderaan. He expected his parents and grandparents to be welcoming, and knew the rest of the Royal Council would be the same. He knew Rey would most likely be all over him, wanting to hear about his ventures with the Knights of Ren. (Unless she wasn’t there at all; the girl had developed an insatiable sense of desire for adventure.)

 

 

“I trust you will keep things in order while we are gone,” Kylo spoke through his mask to the Knight he was leaving in command. “We will return in eleven days, and normal cycles will continue.” The Knight in front of Kylo nodded respectfully before walking off towards the area that held the new trainees. Kylo turned to his other Knights, the ones that would be going to Alderaan with him. The array of black and silver helmets that stared back at him would have intimidated him had it been but a few years before.  But he knew the Knights that were hidden behind the masks. He knew their names and faces well, and could tell you a little bit about every single one of them. Trust in the abilities of others was a big thing for the Knights of Ren, you wouldn’t want to be stuck in a battle for your life with a complete stranger who could up and leave you at any given moment.

The Knights didn’t usually travel in large groups. Three or four of them would ride ahead on horseback, while the remaining few would walk the journey. Kylo thought about taking a horse and arriving to Alderaan first, and maybe getting a chance to get the whole “family welcoming committee” business out of the way before the rest of his organization arrived. It would at least spare him some amount of embarrassment.

But the few higher-ranking Knights that would go with him advised against it, there was always the risk of ambush by some of the lurking bandits and trouble-makers that scattered the land. Kylo was sure he could handle himself; years of precise training with his deadly weapon had proved he was more than alright in combat.

Kylo Ren mounted his horse, and the other Knights followed suit in a clean, organized fashion. He pulled the leather material of the reins into a gloved hand, and kicked lightly into the beast’s side. The ride to Alderaan wasn’t particularly bad, Kylo had traveled it a few times before; there were worse journeys to be had. As the day wore on, however, he became increasingly aware of just how _hot_ it was. Of course once the sun went down it would be the opposite, and the man would be grateful for the amount of body heat that his robes and armor kept sealed inside.

___

“All troop officers and commanders are required to stand in on the meeting of the Royal Council tomorrow evening. The discussion at hand will be pertaining to Alderaan’s trade and communication with the hostile force that is now in control of Hoth.” The King regarded the men and women standing in front of him, all in uniform. “Along with all of you and your comrades in attendance, the Knights of Ren will also be present. They will be providing a lot of the force behind any military confrontation that may be of need; followed by your troops on the ground.  Dismissed.”  King Anakin Skywalker watched with a careful eye as the crowd of commanding military personnel departed from the palace, filing out of the room in small groups and lines. He shook his head, almost fondly as one person remained standing in front of him.

The man’s hands were folded behind his back in a standard parade stance, under the long greatcoat resting on his shoulders. The coat was well-decorated with various medals of achievement and stripes of his high-status in the military and political side of things.

“You asked to see me, sir.” The man bowed his head slightly, the brim of his crisp, black hat casting a shadow over his face. “I trust it is about the arrangements of tomorrow’s meeting.” Anakin nodded, breathing a heavy sigh.

“Yes, General. As you know, the Knights of Ren are providing their services to Alderaan as they always have. Many of the warriors in their ranks were raised here, in fact. Though they may have close ties with the Kingdom, I know many of them will be out of touch with the situation at hand. Keep them informed, it will do us no good to have an alliance with an organization of such power if they are to be naive to the problems we face.”

General Hux nodded and agreed to do so. The King dismissed him with a quick wave of his hand, and Hux turned on his heel to exit the palace. ‘ _Fantastic.’_ Hux knew the Knights of Ren were extremely well-trained soldiers and that many of them would be quick to learn about the current altercations with the nearby Kingdom of Hoth. (It wasn’t even the Kingdom, it was the group of people in control of the Kingdom to be exact).

But Hux also knew the Knights of Ren had a reputation of being impulsive and quick to engage in violence. As he walked through the palace corridors, pacing more than actually walking to a destination, Hux found his mind wandering slightly. In his six years as a commanding officer, and two years as General, Hux hadn’t exactly _tried_ to avoid the Knights of Ren; they just didn’t really cross paths. Every time a group of them would come to Alderaan, Hux would linger around in the streets of the Kingdom to catch a glimpse of the particular members there.

If anybody accused him of looking for a familiar face among the black-clad Knights, Hux would simply shake his head and say he was examining the warriors from the standpoint of the leading military General. But in his mind, Hux knew to some extent he really _was_ looking for someone.

(He never found them.)

___

Riding through the gates of Alderaan did something to Kylo’s heart, as well as his mind. The gates of the Kingdom were big and metallic and grand and it was so unspeakably _satisfying_ to be there again after so many years. As they were guided by a few of the Kingdom’s Stormtroopers, Kylo realized that last time he had seen his family in Alderaan, he was just a mere member of the Knights. Sure he had been highly ranked, but the fact that now he was the Master of the Knights of Ren was very different. It made him smirk slightly behind the facade of his helmet, knowing that his status would surely please his family in a way he hadn’t previously been able to provide.

Kylo and the other three Knights that had arrived with him were escorted by the Stormtroopers to the palace. On the way, they were quickly briefed for the meeting they were to attend, but Kylo Ren was only really half paying attention. He didn’t need to focus on where to go, his feet seemed to carry him from the royal stables to the palace without him even telling them to move. He supposed it shouldn’t have surprised him; after all, it was his home.

At the entrance to the palace, Kylo began to feel strange. He was being escorted into what was really his own home. But then again, nobody was expected to recognize him. How could they, if he was wearing his helmet and armor? Besides, Kylo hadn’t introduced himself into the Kingdom as a prince; he was just a member of the organization meant to help Alderaan. ‘ _Not just a member, I’m the Master of them.’_ Kylo’s thoughts caused him to walk with his head held high as the Knights were brought into the open space of the meeting room, sun filtering in through various skylights and windows of stained glass. Nostalgia washed over him in waves, and Kylo felt that it just added a little something extra to his already confident stride.

Sitting at the head of the room were the King and Queen, poised on their thrones and looking as regal as ever, but obviously troubled and older than the last time Kylo had seen his grandparents. Without turning his head, he caught a glimpse of his own parents, standing to the side of the thrones. He was vaguely aware of the other figures lining the walls, presumably members of the Royal Court.

 “Welcome, Knights of Ren. You are at home in our palace here in Alderaan, I assure you.” The King stood with a gracious smile on his face. Kylo found his words slightly ironic.

“Thank you, Your Highness. We are at your service, loyal as ever to your great kingdom,” Kylo spoke, his voice resonating through the hall. He bowed, one knee pressed to the ground as his robes pooled around him, and then stood and waited for the King to speak.

 “Your forces may very well be needed, there is conflict residing in Alderaan.” It was Padme who had spoken, and Anakin sank back into his throne, visibly worn out. From what though, Kylo wasn’t exactly sure. “A rebel group previously believed to be harmless has overthrown a nearby kingdom, and they have proved to be difficult and dangerous. My military General will inform you completely of the problem in detail at a later time. For now, there is a banquet to be held later tonight and we request the attendance of your ranks.”

Padme continued to speak for a few moments, but Kylo was distracted. His gaze had drifted to his mother and father, standing at attention beside their king and queen. They were his parents, of course, but there was something different about them. And there was a girl beside them, short but thin and dressed in white. Kylo felt a smile tug at his lips as he recognized her to be his cousin. Rey had certainly grown. As soon as he felt himself becoming distracted, Kylo snapped his attention back to his grandmother. She had dismissed a number of people from the room, leaving only a few lingering in Kylo’s peripheral vision. He could see his parents and Rey, as well as a few others. The atmosphere felt a little less professional, and Kylo felt a smirk beginning to play on his face at the thought of revealing himself to his parents.

It was all very exciting to him in a way that made him feel much like a child.

“How many Knights are currently under your command?” Kylo turned his head to see who had spoken. Of course it was Han Solo who stepped forward. Kylo thought for a moment before answering.

“Roughly one hundred permanent members.”

Han cleared his throat and sighed heavily, looking up at Anakin and Padme, who seemed to almost give him a silent approval before he continued speaking.

“Do you know your members by name?”

“Most of them, yes. If they are high in rank I know them personally.” Han Solo paused again after Kylo spoke. He seemed almost embarrassed, his shoulders slouching a little as he unknowingly addressed his son. 

“Kylo Solo? Is he coming to Alderaan this time?”

Kylo wanted to laugh, his father seemed genuinely curious about his whereabouts. So he did laugh.

The helmets worn by the Knights weren’t meant to hide one’s identity, but they did have a habit of interfering with vocal intonations, altering somebody’s voice almost completely. Kylo’s chuckle was monotonous, sounding quite mechanical as it rang through the meeting hall. A couple of the Knights shuffled their feet, and the other people in attendance were visibly confused.

Reaching up to pull of his helmet, Kylo sighed lightly. He shook his head out of habit, his hair falling out around his face as it was released from its confinements. His eyes locked with his father’s, and he could hear his mother’s gasp of breath.

“My apologies for not informing you sooner, father.” Kylo held his helmet under his arm as he walked forward, hand held out to Han Solo. Han had a different idea, and pulled Kylo into a hug, embracing his son.

“Good to have you back, Kylo,” Leia came forward to hug him as well, brief and sweet. They would be able to have a better little reunion in a few minutes, no doubt. When Kylo stepped back, feeling the gazes of the rest of the people in the room on him, Anakin was smiling at him.

“So you have become the Master of the Knights of Ren? I should have expected nothing less from you, you always had such ambition.”

As the Knights were dismissed, Kylo lingered in the hall for a few moments, telling his parents he would be sure to talk to them later. He slid the helmet back over his head and turned to leave, now seeing the rest of the people who had been in the room. Five people clad in mostly black military uniforms watched the Knights leave. Kylo tried to take note of their faces, knowing he would likely spend a lot of time with them in the week to come, but he found himself walking away without really studying their features, much less committing them to memory.

___

The banquet was enjoyable enough, extravagant food and drink was brought to the long table in the palace where the Knights gathered with the royal family; the Knights who had been travelling on foot had arrived and made themselves at home in the kingdom. Kylo had left his helmet and armor in the room of the temporary staying house for his company of Knights, opting instead for only his black robes.

The side of the table across from the Knights was empty; it was for the military advisors and captains who had been held up in a meeting right before the dinner. Kylo didn’t envy them, the life of somebody with that kind of occupation seemed unappealing to him. He liked to be in the middle of things, where he could demonstrate his physical skills and take down his enemies with brute strength. That’s what had always drawn him to the Knights of Ren in the first place, after all.

The steady conversation at the table was interrupted when the large wooden doors of the room opened and a number of men and women in the military uniforms walked into the room, bowing before their King and Queen. A few of them spoke to Anakin, telling him their plans had been settled and mumbling a few other words that Kylo couldn’t quite catch. He turned his attention to watching as the various members of the forces sat down in the chairs on the other side of the long table. A woman sat directly across from him, not making eye contact. She had short, blonde hair that curled around her ears, and her uniform was a light grey that contrasted with the dark colors of the other members’ clothing as they sat around her.

She seemed to study the Knights, regarding them with careful eyes, before nodding politely to the King and Queen. Kylo glanced to his left, where the Queen was sitting, waiting for somebody to say something and break the somewhat unsettling silence that had begun to hang in the air. Padme offered him a small smile, and then nodded across the table where the other woman was whispering something to the man seated next to her.

“This is our leading General and his Captain. You will be working closely with them while you are here. The two of them were absent during your arrival, but they are quick to catch onto things. Isn’t that right, Captain?”  The woman seemed to take note of the little introduction and faced Kylo, a sharp smirk playing on her lips.

“Yes, Your Highness,” She faced Kylo fully and added, “Captain Phasma. Charmed to meet you, I’m sure,” She nodded, and Kylo returned the gesture with a curt bow of his head. As soon as the man next to Phasma locked eyes with Kylo, the dark-haired Knight felt his blood run a little cold. He would know those eyes anywhere, no matter how long they had been apart.

“Hux. General Hux,” His voice was somehow almost exactly the same as the last time Kylo had heard it. (Okay maybe not, he had sort of forgotten the exact tone of Hux’s posh lilt through the years, but the brief words sent memories flooding through Kylo’s mind.) If Hux recognized Kylo he certainly didn’t show it, as his pale face remained the picture of a perfectly calm and collected man.

“I have heard much about the Knights of Ren,” Hux continued, nodding his head in the direction of the other Knights sat beside Kylo. “I trust you will serve our Kingdom well during your time here.”

“My Knights plan to do whatever they can to aid Alerdaan..” Kylo wanted to scream when he spoke, feeling the words stumble out of his mouth in a way that was definitely clumsy and unprofessional.  He couldn’t hold eye contact with Hux for very long, and had to tear his gaze away to stare down at his plate instead. The exchange made Kylo feel very much like a child.

“Very well. We will brief you on our plans tomorrow, Knight.” Hux tacked the last part of his statement on in a way that was almost awkward. Kylo supposed it wasn’t exactly an incorrect title, but he had somehow wished Hux would recognize him and they would be thrown into nostalgia and not into a stiff conversation between two strangers doing business.  Kylo nodded to Hux, who turned away at that point and began talking to the officer seated on the other side of him.

Of course, Kylo couldn’t help the sudden burst of images in his mind. Images of Hux as a teenager, of hidden kisses and their hands intertwined together at practically every moment they saw fit. He tried to keep his face even, troubled by the thoughts that raided his consciousness.

Kylo resumed eating, and felt an idea tug at the back of his mind. For the remainder of the banquet, he kept up small talk with the Queen and the other people around him, careful to avoid any conversation with his mother or father; which was easy considering they were seated farther down the table and he could duck out of their sight with no trouble.

As soon as people began dismissing themselves, Kylo kept his eyes glued to Hux. When the red-head got up to leave after saying a quick goodnight to the royal family, Kylo got up from his chair without so much as a word to anybody. He managed to slip out after Hux unnoticed, and followed the man at a distance as he exited the dining hall. Hux walked with his hands folded behind his back, taking long and even strides. It was all very official, and Kylo found it slightly infuriating that Hux walked like that even by himself. (Or at least Hux thought he was by himself, not being trailed by his childhood… Whatever they had been.)

Once they entered an empty corridor leading to the palace’s exit, Kylo quickened his pace and called out to the other man.

“General!” Kylo’s voice echoed through the empty hallway of stone, lit by a few ornate fixtures on the walls. Hux turned, obviously taken aback. Kylo kept walking forward, and noticed Hux’s hand moving towards his hip.

“Knight, what do you want?” Hux held his chin high, and Kylo couldn’t miss the fact that his hand was resting on the blaster strapped to his waist. The man’s voice wasn’t hostile, simply confused.

“You don’t need to call me that, Hux.” Kylo took a few more steps until he stood a foot or so from Hux. He couldn’t help but take in the man in front of him. It was definitely Brendol Hux, the very same boy Kylo had been best friends with. His hair was the same shock of red settled on his head, but it was gelled and combed neatly into place, with clean sideburns that barely reached his ears. Kylo was taller than him, certainly broader.

“What do you want? It is getting late and I would like to go home.” Hux snapped Kylo out of his thoughts, green eyes narrowed.  He seemed to ignore the fact that Kylo had dropped the formalities, and he certainly showed no signs of recognition. Kylo decided to push it a little further.

“I could accompany you, Brendol. I’m sure you don’t have friends over very often.” Kylo didn’t know what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t Hux lunging forward to pin Kylo against the stone wall of the empty corridor. His gloved hand held Kylo tightly by the throat and his eyes glinted almost violently in the light.

“I don’t know who the _hell_ you think you are talking to me like that, but this will not go unpunished. Even coming from the Master of the Knights of Ren I expect more respect than this shit,” Hux was practically growling, and Kylo had to try not to laugh. He was frightened for a split second, but knew that Hux could really do him no harm. It wouldn’t reflect well on his reputation with the Kingdom, after all.

“Calm down, Hux.” Kylo held up his hands, words strained due to the hand still clutching his throat. “You really don’t recognize me at all?”

“Should I?” The red-head’s words were quick and loud, he was obviously still aggravated.

“For fuck’s sake, Hux. It’s me. Kylo.”

Hux’s eyes narrowed further for a moment, then went wide. His hold on Kylo’s neck fell away completely, and he took a step back. He scanned Kylo’s face quickly, and a small smile made its way onto his face. Hux shook his head, hand coming up to his forehead.

“Kylo,” He mumbled, his gaze shifting up and down the Knight’s body. Kylo rolled his eyes and stepped forward, his back leaving the wall.

“Took you long enough, General. My parents recognized me right away. I spent a whole evening across from you and you couldn’t even put it together,” Kylo chuckled, arms crossed across his chest.

“You look very different,” Hux seemed to still be a little shocked, even amused. His shoulders had slumped a little, and the hard “official” look that had been on his face moments before was gone. “You’re back.” The last part was a little quieter, and Kylo could tell that Hux was saying it to himself, not to Kylo.

The two of them seemed to have the same idea, and Kylo moved forward to pull Hux into an embrace. It was friendly, a little awkward, and it felt slightly _wrong,_ but Kylo couldn’t push away the thought that for the first time in ten years, he felt a little more whole.

___

Kylo did in fact accompany Hux back to his home, the other man pouring drinks as they sat to talk and fill each other in on their new lives. They didn’t talk about their old relationship as being anything other than friends, it was almost as if the two of them were afraid to mention the fact that there had definitely been something beyond that.

As much as Kylo had hoped they would fall into their old dynamic, he wasn’t exactly surprised when they didn’t. The words they exchanged were a little stiff, almost forced. Kylo couldn’t help but feel that Hux almost seemed angry. He had dropped the official sort of air that he held in the palace, but he was strangley formal. Three drinks in, the small talk began to turn into something a little more personal.

“Kylo _Ren,_ ” Hux mumbled, taking a sip from his glass filled with amber liquid as he held Kylo’s gaze from where he was seated next to the red-head. “It suits you. I still can’t believe you are the Master of the Knights.” Hux shook his head with a low chuckle. “I shouldn’t have expected anything different, I suppose.”

“It took getting used to.” Kylo swirled the liquid in his own glass, avoiding Hux’s gaze. “I am in charge of a large number of people, and earning their respect was not easy.” He took a sip of his drink, blinking hard as it left a burning sensation as it trickled down his throat. “Though I suspect you know all about that, don’t you _General?”_

“I am familiar, yes,” Hux nodded, crossing his legs. “After returning from the Academy, I made quick work of the military ladder.” He was obviously proud of his achievement, and the smirk playing on his lips only confirmed the fact.

“Thanks to your father, I presume?” Kylo met Hux’s eyes, immediately regretting saying anything about Brendol Hux Sr. Kylo hadn’t meant it as a jab, but Hux took it that way, his smirk faded quickly, and the hand around his glass clenched tighter.

“My position has been secured thanks to my own accord, Kylo. My father was a conniving man who got to where he was through dirty work.” Hux narrowed his eyes in an almost dangerous manner. “I have achieved military greatness through honor and skill.”

Kylo frowned and took another sip of his drink, a little bit of a bigger mouthful this time. Hux was very obviously upset, and Kylo wasn’t completely sure as to why.

“I didn’t mean you don’t deserve it, but surely your name had something to do with it, Hux.” Kylo leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. It lent a heavy contrast; his relaxed and slumped posture sitting so near to Hux’s own position of a rigid back and a hand wrapped tightly around a glass that was almost empty. After a pause in their conversation, silence hanging thick in the air between them, Hux’s shoulders relaxed. He set down the glass, his aggravated expression fading into something almost eerily calm. If it wasn’t for the somewhat dazed look in his eyes due to the brandy, Hux would have looked nothing more than professional.

“I’m sure you didn’t intend to come into my home and insult my authorities, Knight,” Hux’s emphasis on Kylo’s title took him aback. “If this is how you are going to act during your time here in Alderaan, I suggest you take your leave from my home. Your subordinates are probably wondering about you.” Hux stood up, arms crossed behind his back.

“I’m not insulting you, Hux,” Kylo stood as well, straightening his back to accentuate the height he had on the man in front of him. It wasn’t much, to be fair, but he would take what he could get. “And you can’t just will me away like one of your officers.”

“Why is that? You are under my jurisdiction during your time here. You are no better than any one of my officers.” Hux tilted his chin up to glare at Kylo, trying to keep his voice even and unbroken.

“I never did what you told me to, Hux.”

Hux found himself wishing Kylo would _stop_ saying his name. He opened his mouth to ask what he meant, but closed it quickly. Referring to their childhood antics at a time when they were certainly worlds away from what they had been was nothing short of inappropriate.

“That was over ten years ago. It is unimportant to the current situation.” Hux turned on his heel, walking into his small kitchen to pour himself another glass of brandy. His steps faltered slightly, cheeks feeling hot from his previous drinks.

“The 'current situation' is us having a conversation. This is not a business deal, you know,” Kylo followed Hux, intent on not letting the other man shove him away. “And I am hurt you would throw away the deep connection of our friendship.” Kylo’s voice was mocking, dripping with sarcasm.

“We were _children._ We are two completely different people now, and there is nothing left.” Hux was almost growling as he held onto the bottle and poured the liquid into his glass, seething with rage now. “Do not mock me, Kylo Ren.”

Kylo scowled, the sudden urge to slam his fist into the back of Hux’s head surfacing in his mind. Of course he wouldn’t, but he certainly wanted to.

“Well I’m glad it meant nothing to you, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know that feeling is mutual.” Kylo narrowed his eyes, his voice rising in volume. Whether it was the alcohol catching up to him, or ten years of suppressed emotions he wasn’t really sure.

“Oh, I knew that the moment you left for your training, Kylo.” Hux whirled around, all control over his emotions seemingly gone. “It was quite evident you didn’t care about me, or Alderaan for that matter.” Kylo sputtered for a moment, unsure of what to say. Hux was staring at him with narrowed eyes and slightly colored cheeks from the alcohol.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hux’s comment had sent Kylo’s mind reeling, suddenly surprised by the genuine anger and hurt in his voice.

“We spent every day together for as long as I can remember, you were my _only friend._ And you just left all of that behind to go join some stupid organization that-“

“You left, too! You can’t seriously be holding a grudge like that, _you left too!”_ Kylo felt his voice rising to a yell. He had given up all hope of keeping his composure, but Hux was still trying to hold on.

“I was _alone,_ Kylo!” And there it was. Hux’s last shred of self-control had been thrown away, and he reared forward, ready to unleash every single one of his twisted and blurred emotions onto the man in front of him. “I was alone. And then you came along and you were so stupid, and so stubborn and _reckless._ ”

Kylo blinked, somewhat at a loss for words, but even if he had tried to speak, he doubted Hux would have let him. The floodgates had opened, and Hux just kept pouring out words that he had kept hidden from anyone else; even himself to some extent.

“You were there for me when my dad fucking beat me senseless. And then we were friends and then we were so much more. I had never been with anybody before you. Never. And we never said it but god, I loved you. I loved you more than I loved myself and I was so ready to live our future.” Hux’s glare was fixed on the floor, unable to look Kylo in the eyes as he pushed on. Kylo just stood there, processing exactly what was happening.

“But we just couldn’t have that, could we,” Hux paused, his words had been slurring, and he held onto the counter tightly with one hand to steady himself.  “You left to train and I left to study. And I was alone again. And you said you would write to me, but you never did. You never fucking did.” Kylo opened his mouth at that point, eyes wide with confusion. But Hux held up a hand, and kept going.

“It was already over for you. I tried so hard to hate you, Kylo. I tried so _fucking_ hard to tell myself that what we had wasn’t real and I would never see you again. I tried to convince myself that I loathed you. But I never could.” He said the last part a little slower, almost as if he was realizing something. Hux picked his head up to lock eyes with Kylo. “I never could. Even now, you’re standing in my kitchen and you’re too tall and so different and nothing is the same and I- I can’t hate you. It was never over for me.” Hux sighed, slumping his shoulders in defeat, trying to ignore the fierce prickling sensation in his eyes as his gaze fell to the floor once again.

“Hux. I did write to you. I must have written hundreds of letters I- I thought you had decided to forget about me, that you were ignoring me.” Kylo stepped forward, his brow furrowed and his mouth open the slightest bit. Hux glanced up at him, the same expression mirrored on his flushed face. “I never thought it was over I- I couldn’t get you out of my head for so long,” Kylo kept moving until he was right in front of Hux, their eye contact never faltering.

“It wasn’t over for me, Hux,” Kylo mumbled, all anger and hostility evaporating between them. “It still isn’t over,” And with that, Kylo surged forward, pressing his lips against Hux’s with fervor.

Hux’s eyes went wide, before they fluttered to a close and he sighed into the kiss. His hands came up into Kylo’s long dark hair as the other man’s arms wound around his waist. Kylo backed Hux up against the counter, licking into his mouth with desperation. Their drinks had very obviously caught up with them, and gone farther. Hux moaned softly, tugging at Kylo’s hair as the Knight pressed his lips against Hux’s neck gently. He pulled away, leaning his forehead against Hux’s in a tender manner.

“This is okay? You’re okay with this?” Kylo slurred, his dark eyes searching Hux’s, the red-head’s pupils blown wide to invade what was usually a light green. Hux nodded.

“Yes. Yes. Fuck, yes.” He pulled Kylo back into a kiss with bruising force. Kylo hoisted Hux onto the counter, feeling thin legs wrap around his waist to pull him closer as their lips moved together sloppily.  

It didn’t take long until Hux directed Kylo to his bedroom, words mumbled against each other’s mouths as they fell into throes of drunken passion that was a blur of ecstasy. Even in the haze, the pieces of them that had always fit together so well clicked into place again, and all the hurt and supposed rejection that the other had felt simply evaporated. In its place was something akin to love. They weren’t the same, they couldn’t be.

 

The love they had shared years prior had developed into something deeper and harder for them to understand, but when Hux’s eyes fluttered open the next morning and he felt a warm weight against his back, an arm thrown over his chest, he couldn’t stop the content sigh that escaped his lips.

They were older and so much different, and maybe that’s what they wanted; what they needed. Hux turned over in Kylo’s arms, to tuck his head under the sleeping man’s chin and press a drowsy kiss to his throat. It felt far too overdue for Hux to be held by him. He took a few moments to appreciate the feeling of Kylo’s muscles under the skin dotted with moles and freckles.

When they had been in their teenage years, the two of them were lanky and not yet completely grown into their bodies. But Kylo had become so broad, his body was lean and toned; it was a weapon. Hux knew that in comparison he was quite small, but he also knew that in a fight he could hold his own.

Hux closed his eyes again, his breath fanning over Kylo’s skin in the glow of the morning. It was nice, but he also knew it wouldn’t last. He let himself drift off to sleep again for a few hours, waking for good when the sun was higher in the sky.

Kylo was gone at that point, and Hux wasn’t terribly surprised. He left the bedroom, pulling on his clothes in a hurry. He had duties to attend to, people to instruct and brief on certain matters, and as he entered the kitchen intending to clean the glasses from the night before and be on his way, but he stopped in the doorway when he saw somebody must have had the same idea.

“You don’t need to do that,” Hux sighed, walking over to stand next to Kylo, who looked a little funny dressed in his heavy black robes, cleaning a glass with a wet rag. Kylo turned around, an eyebrow raised.

“I wanted to.” He gave Hux a once-over before speaking again. “You and your officers will be talking with my Knights today. About why we are here.” He turned again, setting the glass down with a soft _clink_. Hux nodded, crossing his arms loosely over his chest.

“That’s correct. There’s a lot to discuss, I need to be on my way.” Hux spoke as he began to walk towards the door of his home, hoping Kylo would get the hint that he would also need to leave.

“I’ll come with you.” Kylo flipped his hood over his head and followed Hux’s lead to the door, grabbing the other man’s arm gently before they stepped outside. He leaned down, pressing a firm but chaste kiss to Hux’s lips, and pulled away before Hux really had time to react. Hux sighed, knowing they would definitely have some sort of conversation, but for now this was fine.

He walked out of his home with a pleasant blush dusting his cheekbones as he fell into step with Kylo, the two of them making their way to the palace in the cool of the day. It was new, but familiar. Hux felt himself sighing again, and it made him feel lighter. Almost as if the presence, the real weight of the man walking close to him and bumping their shoulders together, had replaced another weight, and he felt infinitely lighter.

Unaware of how long things would be able to stay that way, Hux made the decision to latch onto the feeling, to hold it tight and tuck it away from the harsh reality of the world. From the fact that Alderaan was entering a war that the Knights of Ren would be fighting. 

               

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter of 3! The next two will be a little more graphic, I have a few ideas to play around with. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to check out my tumblr, @kylos-manbun and I'll talk to you about kylux and other star wars-related shenanigans.


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